Note: This is Part 1 in a 3 part series. I will update this post with links to Parts 2 and 3.
We have all been there. Yes, I just put you in a corner (don't put baby in a corner). I am not immune to self-doubt. I do not think there are many people out there that are. If they are I'd like to slap them until they begin to doubt themselves. No, no, I jest. I applaud them. After all, that is why I'm writing this post.
Common Negative Thoughts
What's the first thing you say to yourself when you get lost in your "Dream?" You know, the big one. The one you've been dying to get started on, or have just put your toe into. I'll share some of mine. "You're not good enough." "You'll never be as good as --" "No one will care what you have to say/do." "You won't be successful." "You'll get the worst reviews anyone has ever seen." "No one will read your book." "If someone does read it they'll mock it until the day they die."
The last one was dramatic, I admit, but when are we ever not dramatic? I can feel thousands more just poking at my brain, begging to be released onto this post. I won't overwhelm you with all my self-doubt.
Where do these stem from? What's the pattern of my negativity?
We all have fear. I am one of the most fearful people I know. Besides Monk.
Fear of Rejection
To me this dictated how I acted in my growing up years. I was so scared of rejection that I would be friends with anyone who was remotely friendly. Even if they were the worst kind of people. I would pretend I knew all about a certain band or show or celebrity just so I wouldn't be made fun of. I stopped doing that after one friend caught me in it. She made up some band and asked me if I liked their music. When I agreed she called me a liar. Eek. Thankfully my storytelling (read lying) got me out of that one real fast. I never pretended to know about something I didn't after that!
Ones fear of rejection is ones fear of love. ~ Alexandria Honey
Fear of Comparison
I'm sure you hate being compared to anyone or anything as much as I do. Of course, if you're comparing my writing ability to a child's then I'll win happily. I have a brother who is just sickening. I am a jack-of-all-trades kind of girl, but he is the Master-of-all-trades kind of guy. He never played soccer before, joined a club, and the week later the University he went to was asking him to play on the team. He wants to work with wood so all of a sudden he's a master carpenter. He can do any outdoor activity there is. Rock climbing, ice climbing, cave diving (and I mean the real scary ones that no one has gone in before), river rafting, sky diving (all the cool moves included), and on and on and on. If the stores ran out of food today the man could survive off the land for the rest of his days without a worry. He is also hilarious. And handsome (all my friends were in love with him). He can act! He can sing! He paints! He is an amazing writer! He is a wonderful husband and father. He is intelligent. He knows all there is to know about business. "He speaks Kiribati fluently. I'm telling you, he can't do anything wrong. Now you're thinking, where in the blink is his blog so I can read it instead of yours? Ha! He doesn't have one! Yet. He could fart in someone's face and people would say it smelt of roses. I'm here to tell you his farts are lethal. I lived through them. Barely. I have let my fear of being compared to my brother, J, keep me from venturing out and trying out my own dreams. I'd never be able to master anything to the degree he could nor as quickly. I love you, you dirty rat!
Fear of Success
This one is a weird one for me. My dad is the one that told me I was scared of success. I don't get it, but I'm sure I've got it. It probably has a lot to do with my fear of being compared to my wizard brother. Where is the number to that psychologist?
[Tweet "Fear kills everything. Your mind, your heart, your imagination. ~ Cornelia Funke"]
Your Next Steps
Get out paper and a pen. Think of the goals, dreams, and projects that are on your to-do list. See that one that's waving its arms at you like a kid dying to be called on in class? That's begging for you to pick it? Yeah, that one. Pick that one.
Put that on a new sheet of paper.
Now, the scariest bit. Write down all those negative thoughts associated with it. Every single one. Don't dwell on them, just get them out quick.
Do you see a pattern? Is there a theme to the fears on your paper?
[Tweet "If a fear cannot be articulated, it can't be conquered. ~ Stephen King"]
To avoid leaving you in a pit of despair and vowing to never again attempt a dream I'd like to leave you with something positive.
[Tweet "If you will you can."]
Part 2 has arrived!!
What is the goal you want to accomplish the most? What is a fear you associate with this dream? I shared a few of mine! I won't judge you! Unless your goal is to destroy the world or the Tri-state area. I'm looking at you Doofenshmirtz.